H&M
Às regras do mundial para mulheres...
«1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the The Sun’s sport pages so you are aware of what’s going on regarding the World Cup and will be able to join in conversations. If you fail to do this, you’ll be looked at in a bad way or be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.
2. During the World Cup the television is mine at all times - without any exceptions.
3. I don’t mind if you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game - as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand naked in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I won’t have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.
4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute - unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor….it won’t happen.
5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least two six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on. And please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.
6. Please, please, please if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say “get over it, its only a game” or “don’t worry, they’ll win next time”. If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called “words of encouragement” will only lead to a break-up or divorce.
7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during half-time but only when the adverts are on, and only if the score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying “one” game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to “spend time together”.
8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don’t care if I have seen them or I haven’t seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.
9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.
10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.
11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as
important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying “but you have already seen this…why don’t you change the channel to something we can all watch?” The reply will be: “Refer to Rule #2 of this list”.
12. And finally, please save your expressions such as “Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years”. I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, etc etc.»
...as mulheres respondem com os dez mandamentos:
«1. The size doesn't count. Battery voltage does.
2. "Including the balls" is the only solution to the ultimate question: "How the F*** did he measure 8.2 inches (21 cm)?"
3. You woke up naked in a strange apartment, next to an empty vodka bottle and a web-cam? Hooray! Finally you will get some results when you google your name.
4. We are not claiming that it's worth the effort, but you should know that fat guys try harder.
5. No, "Take out the garbage" doesn't count as "dirty talking".
6. It is cool to perform in diverse positions, but if god would have wanted you that way He would have created you as a paper clip.
7. If he insists on cumming on your face, goggles are a legitimate demand.
8. We have no problem with "doggy," but what has "style" got to do with it?
9. Your boyfriend bought a red Speedo and started to grow a mustache? We hope that you are a friendly person, since you're going to an orgy.
10. When you’re waiting for him in his T-shirt, it’s cute. But when he’s waiting for you in your T-shirt, it’s time to start worrying.»
«1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the The Sun’s sport pages so you are aware of what’s going on regarding the World Cup and will be able to join in conversations. If you fail to do this, you’ll be looked at in a bad way or be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.
2. During the World Cup the television is mine at all times - without any exceptions.
3. I don’t mind if you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game - as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand naked in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I won’t have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.
4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute - unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor….it won’t happen.
5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least two six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on. And please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.
6. Please, please, please if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say “get over it, its only a game” or “don’t worry, they’ll win next time”. If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called “words of encouragement” will only lead to a break-up or divorce.
7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during half-time but only when the adverts are on, and only if the score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying “one” game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to “spend time together”.
8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don’t care if I have seen them or I haven’t seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.
9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.
10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.
11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as
important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying “but you have already seen this…why don’t you change the channel to something we can all watch?” The reply will be: “Refer to Rule #2 of this list”.
12. And finally, please save your expressions such as “Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years”. I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, etc etc.»
...as mulheres respondem com os dez mandamentos:
«1. The size doesn't count. Battery voltage does.
2. "Including the balls" is the only solution to the ultimate question: "How the F*** did he measure 8.2 inches (21 cm)?"
3. You woke up naked in a strange apartment, next to an empty vodka bottle and a web-cam? Hooray! Finally you will get some results when you google your name.
4. We are not claiming that it's worth the effort, but you should know that fat guys try harder.
5. No, "Take out the garbage" doesn't count as "dirty talking".
6. It is cool to perform in diverse positions, but if god would have wanted you that way He would have created you as a paper clip.
7. If he insists on cumming on your face, goggles are a legitimate demand.
8. We have no problem with "doggy," but what has "style" got to do with it?
9. Your boyfriend bought a red Speedo and started to grow a mustache? We hope that you are a friendly person, since you're going to an orgy.
10. When you’re waiting for him in his T-shirt, it’s cute. But when he’s waiting for you in your T-shirt, it’s time to start worrying.»
